Last Week:

Monday:

 

Routes session at Craggy, climbed with Polish Pete for the first time.

Good session considering how much of a routes punter I am, I now have a 7b+ project on the front wall to attack. Did a little fingerboarding at the end of the session, but stopped when some bellend came along with his girlfriend and pushed in to use 'the climbing coach' to time his ridiculously punterish hangs on the sinker jugs...

Seriously. 

Tuesday: 

Went to Eton again to play the fives match that was cancelled the week before, started at 7:30ish. We lost quite quickly in a lousy fashion. I took painkillers before the match to combat a slight knee twinge, and ate before I got there. These things combined with the odd court dimensions lead to me being utterly shite and thoroughly disliking the evening.

Wednesday: 

I was supposed to go to Evo, but my knee hurt a bit too much from the night before to justify the drive over.

Instead, I shot some video in the lab and went to the school wall for a light climb and some pullups.

I didnt do a great deal of pullups before my shoulder (also effected by the night before) started making sad noises.

Thursday:

I had to run the Junior House Fives competition, 

came home and edited some of the video from previous days.

Friday: 

Last day of term, busy day of making sure everything was in its place for the holiday.

Came home and edited.

Saturday: 

Blocfest was today. I didn't go.

Instead, I waited for my skin to come back in time for a day trip to the Peak on Sunday.

Sunday:

I did not go to the peak - Omar texted late on Saturday to cancel.

Sigh.

Days Climbing : 1.5

Hangboard sessions : FML 0.5

Yoga : None

Evo Sessions : 0

Power Endurance (routes) : 1 (at least I did something on the list)

I have also been pathetic about the diet, if anything I feel worse now than I did before.

I really wish I had someone to train with/be driven 

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Personal Therapy session below - Stop here if you don't want to hear me talking the problems out of my head.

I feel like I should stop playing fives.

But I enjoy playing fives...

I think that a lot of my psyche comes from feeling good about myself, and lately I feel like I have been doing pretty rubbish at everything I claim to be good at. I think with climbing, I can blame the rock, I can blame conditions, and in the end I can just say that the boulder has beaten me.

There is no shame in being worse than a boulder.

But when I lose in Fives, or football, or Starcraft or whatever sport pits people against one another it seems far more real.

I lost, so someone is better than me.

I know I havent played competitive fives for about a month now, and I am still thrown into a state when I lose against the first pair from the Eton and Windsor team. I'm pretty certain that if anyone told me about the same situation happening to themselves, I would give them a fairly short answer.

I suppose the real reason for feeling down about it, is that I didn't play as well as I have in the past. I struggle to play things 'for fun'.

I was thinking this while I drove back from climbing today. 

I enjoy climbing, 

but I dont climb for fun.

I climb for achievement.

So if I am not climbing well, I have a hard time enjoying it.

What doesnt help is that when I feel a bit crap, I dont care about training.

The diet goes to shit and I stop caring about putting in the reps.

Then my performance wanes and the cycle continues.

I suppose what I need to do, is break the cycle somehow:

If I stop playing fives fixtures and screwing up my shoulders and legs, then I will be able to climb well, and have an uninterrupted training schedule.

If I stop giving a shit about what I think other people think I should be able to do on a fingerboard, and instead just do my best, then I will actually be able to work up to what other people think I should be able to do (which I dont care about - remember?...confusing that...)

I think I should read Macleod's book again, I think he covers this stupid mental game in some detail.

Giving up the Ego will be hard.